zippers are such a cool invention
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
