I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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