Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
