I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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