tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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