the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
