i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Vodka?
Forever.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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