i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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