I skipped work to stalk him.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
