Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
