That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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