my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
