She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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