We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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