I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
