I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
