girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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