i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
