worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize