if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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