Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
