I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
