i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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