Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize