your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We had to coat check the pizza.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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