Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
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