I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize