Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize