worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
