from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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