So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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