everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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