I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
