If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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