did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
