I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
