i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
