I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
