She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize