you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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