I'm gonna have a badass scar
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
