Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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