Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
