I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
