I just pynch a tree in the face
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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