I am puke
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
