your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
