I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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