i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
