You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
