i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
