My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
