And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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