Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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