His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
