but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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