ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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