I want to walk on stilts...naked
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize