i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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