Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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