Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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