weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
