Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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