The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
