I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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