You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
