Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize