My room smells like vodka and shame
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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