Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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