We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
