I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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