I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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