life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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