More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Congratulations! We have a period
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