And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
