you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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