if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
