She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
