So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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