I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
