I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
