i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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